The Lyrical Assassins Brotherhood Poetry

Losing It

This week in the Visual Circus we are losing it.  Your goal is to watch the video and write a peom to what you see or feel.  It can be called anything you want and can be written anyway you want.  Most of the time we, as writers, work off of a thought or a title or even emotions, but this challenge is designed to have you use your other sences, ie. sight and sound. 

Good luck and happy writing

David Cardenas

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51 responses

  1. WOW DAVID…. THAT’S AMAZING… NEVER HEARD THAT SONG OR SAW THE VIDEO B4… VERY COOL VISUAL…. BUT THE POEM IS WAY BETTER THAN THE SONG… IJS… CRAZY!! U ALWAYS DELIVER… I AM NEVER DISAPPOINTED… I’MMA HIT YA WITH SOMETHING LATER ON… GOT A LOT TO DO TODAY… GREAT JOB!

    November 23, 2011 at 8:08 pm

    • Thanks a lot Ashley, I wanted to try something different. Try to take us out of our comfort zone. This way we push ourselves as writers to try something different. I’m glad you liked it. I haven’t written like this in a while.

      David

      November 23, 2011 at 10:27 pm

      • MizzFab

        david awesome piece……….

        November 24, 2011 at 2:46 am

      • Thanks Les, I wanted to go deep with this one. The video is pretty compelling.

        David

        November 24, 2011 at 3:12 am

      • Thanks, I haven’t written like this in a while and I wanted to stretch myself out a bit.

        David

        November 24, 2011 at 5:33 am

    • This is absulutely amazing David, you took us to that dark place we all sometimes visit when in abstract pain. Rhythm and rhyme spot on. Love it

      November 24, 2011 at 4:45 am

      • Thank you Frankie. The video was so vivid, I forced myself to only watch it once then write. I can’t wait to see what you do with it.

        David

        November 24, 2011 at 5:31 am

  2. im losing my mind
    as i decline
    to a lower level of not knowing my self worth
    most times the truth hurts
    i see
    no love
    i see
    a facade of happiness thats been programmed in my soul
    no destinations of greatness
    no reaching my goals cuz i have none…
    my heart tells me to break out of this shell of a person thats rehearsin to play my lifes part
    to finish what i start
    i hear my conscience telling me that i aint shit
    tellin me that im just a crackpipe away from a fatal hit
    so i quit listening…….
    but the whispers are still there
    i look through rose colored glasses and see a future of
    success….forward progress
    happiness
    no stress
    but my hand removed those glasses and puts them on the dresser
    i smash them using all the pressure
    that has been loaded onto my back
    HEAVY…….
    pressure is building
    theres no concealing the cracks in the foundation of what i was built on
    im not strong
    im just moving along
    being pulled by this wheelbarrow called life
    struggle= strife……
    i feel the knife cut through the core of my heart
    the sledgehammer breaks my shell of a person apart
    till theres nothing left
    ashes to ashes….
    DUST to DEATH
    in peace …..
    I REST

    November 23, 2011 at 9:19 pm

    • Wow Candi, I really love this.. You showed a lot of diversty on this one and so much depth. Way to come through!!!!!

      David

      November 23, 2011 at 10:25 pm

      • thanks D….as i was blown away by what you put up…..i def felt what u were putting across and fed off what u threw at me…..you know how we do….love this!

        November 24, 2011 at 2:14 am

      • Yes, I do know how we do and I likes it. lol

        David

        November 24, 2011 at 3:13 am

    • MizzFab

      i feel this ……every word

      November 24, 2011 at 2:46 am

    • Candi, this is one awesome write. Well done!

      November 24, 2011 at 4:48 am

    • Amazing Candi, the words recoil off of the walls in the brain leaving a memorable ink stain

      November 24, 2011 at 6:50 pm

    • I have only read two of your writings today and you have reached into my soul with the words you write in which i have been to fearful to express! Thank you for making me aware that I will have to choose expression which would be life or silence that would be death!

      January 18, 2012 at 5:49 am

  3. Poetically Sound

    HEAVEN WOULD HAVE TO BE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN, AT LEAST IN MY CASE I COULD BELIEVE THIS TO BE TRUE/
    BECAUSE HEAVEN IS WHAT I SEE WHEN I LOOK AT YOU/
    SEE YOUR IMPERFECTIONS ARE PERFECTION/ YOURE NOT PERFECT, BUT THE WAIT I HAD TO ENDURE TO GET YOU WAS WORTH IT/
    SEE IF YOU WERE HEAVEN I WOULD PUSH PAST THOSE BEAUTIFUL GATES/
    TREK YOUR STREETS PAVED IN GOLD AND SAVOR THE TASTE…/
    EVERY LAST DROP OF YOUR MILK AND HONEY/
    SHE TOLD ME SHE WANTED TO GET CLOSER TO HER FATHER/
    SO I CAN UNDERSTAND WHY SHE KEEPS CALLING HIS NAME/
    SEE THE AIM WAS NOT IN VAIN/
    BUT SHE SAID ITS SOMETHING ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE SHE HAD WHEN SHE CAME/
    SOMETHING LIKE SHAKING LOOSE A PORTRAIT FROM A FRAME/
    THE TYPE OF STUFF YOU ONLY HEAR ABOUT IN STORIES AND POETRY/
    BUT THAT NIGHT I MADE HER BEDROOM RAIN/
    THAT NIGHT SHE DERIVED PLEASURE FROM PAIN/
    THAT NIGHT LOVE WAS SPELLED ECSTACY/
    I WANT TO GIVE YOU ALL TILL THERE IS NONE LEFT OF ME/
    MORE THAN JUST SEX TO ME/
    BUT AN OPPURTUNITY TO FULFILL EVERY LAST ONE OF YOUR FANTASIES/
    EVEN IF YOUR LOVE HAD A CURE I WOULD RATHER REMAIN DISEASED/
    I AM TO PLEASE, I AM TO PLEASURE/
    NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES YOU TRY TO WEIGH IT, LOVE HAS NO MEASURE/ SHE ASKED ME WHAT MY IDEAL OF HEAVEN WAS/
    I REPLIED IT WOULD HAVE TO BE YOU-

    November 24, 2011 at 2:05 am

    • Great poem. I felt it. Did you watch the video? The challenge is to write off the emotions or feeling the video gave you. But past that. I did love your poem. Thanks for coming out.

      David

      November 24, 2011 at 2:35 am

    • AW! now, this is what every woman longs to hear, this is so very romantic. Love it PS

      November 24, 2011 at 5:11 am

    • Very touching piece.

      November 24, 2011 at 6:50 pm

  4. Lost while i’m losin’, straight blowin’out the purple
    Fatally it seems i’ve come full circle
    Manifestations dreadful
    my self hatred’s become esteemed,
    Joyless & Dank, yet
    somehow envied…
    A failurre once again
    My pains what them call depression it seems
    My everyday xistance iz unmanageable, uncatostrophic
    far from prolific
    Dumned down with these doldrums
    Thew stirrings within evolve no more
    it seems…
    some psychic bone iz gone
    I disengage abruptly, abandon all
    I alienate myself, and i’m anxious inside
    A gloomy sense of dred
    I’m losein it, anarchy has dominion over my head
    Like some sinister hallmark
    undetermined & obstinate, fed by…
    this strange lucidity,
    reaping then sowing only dred
    A stupor type condition
    capitulated by an untameable tide
    unnameable pride,
    Obliterated, and filling up;
    now i’m drowning inside
    Suffocated by darkness
    My memoir’s R madness
    BLOODY red tatoo tear drop stains that
    represent this sadness
    My heavens a hell of
    ferocious
    Inwardness
    My vanity,it grapples with this
    Despondancy
    It Deepens
    My absence of hope
    My struggle to survive,
    I must survive
    I will survive
    Blowing thru my mind
    Icy gusts of cold wind
    winding down this ongoing tornado of spin
    I was given this bullshyt – I never made it
    playe it how I playe it
    B glad when they recreate it
    Absolutely this iz anguish
    I wish upon wonder, but
    these aggravations R innoculations, overated &
    Impure
    they cannot B ignored
    so I stagger on down this rocky crevise of mind
    I must survive
    I will
    survive
    I wanna live
    I tried to told you
    Nigga – you die!
    I’m losing it tonight…

    November 24, 2011 at 4:06 am

    • David Loseing it was straight wicked, animilistic, twisted, and a Lil sadistic; even so I could see and sense the humanity tryna get free. I’m Lovin the flow!! Thanx 7even…

      November 24, 2011 at 5:01 am

    • WOW! Just love the positivity in this write. No matter what all the troubles are, the bottom line is that you are determined to make it.
      This one brilliant write June.

      November 24, 2011 at 5:23 am

      • Good look Frankie ‘preciate the Luv!

        November 24, 2011 at 5:38 am

    • Wonderful imagery and so dark and real. I felt this one from the inside out.

      David

      November 24, 2011 at 5:33 am

    • June, thats a major piece there I love it.

      November 24, 2011 at 6:51 pm

      • 7even , BP, thanx … ~ONE.

        November 26, 2011 at 8:41 pm

  5. MizzFab

    Sick and twisted
    The monsters return
    This time they don’t want my memories
    They want my head
    Possessing me
    I am in my scary place
    Blood dripping down my legs
    I assaulted myself again
    This time deeper
    All I hear is laughter
    I am ugly
    So gone
    I no longer feel
    Alive
    Ship me to the morgue
    Plan my funeral
    The guilt sets in
    What if someone actually cares
    Don’t lie to yourself
    Go with the plan
    Write the note
    Hand is shaking
    Don’t remember me
    Lights going in and out
    Is that a siren
    Everything is flying fast
    Speeding
    Am I dead
    Or just numb
    Plunge deeper into safety
    This is all a nightmare
    The monsters surround me
    So much for the plan
    Two weeks I will be locked up for two weeks
    In the safe place
    No one can hurt me
    Not even myself
    Nurse asks about the scars
    Checks to see if I have sharp objects
    I am losing it
    Get me out of here
    I pretend I am ok
    Smile and nod till they let me out
    Maybe I will run in front of car
    No one needs me anyways
    I have lost my mind
    If you find it bring it back to me
    Bring it back please
    Someone save me
    I can’t keep going on this way
    Tripping ,falling
    Trying to catch my breath
    Dizzy ,exhausted
    Just let me rest…………

    (i am perfectly fine, just got into the video )

    November 24, 2011 at 4:07 am

    • FAB do the damn thang Gurl. You lost it to the fullest on that there!! ~Salute!

      November 24, 2011 at 5:05 am

    • You are one amazing writer Miz Fab, U always manage to hit the nail on the head. I dig this INK

      November 24, 2011 at 5:25 am

    • I felt the pain in this one. Wonderfully written. You really did your thing on this one.

      David

      November 24, 2011 at 5:32 am

    • Mizz Fab, even if you were not perfectly fine this piece was perfectly phenomenal and no explanation was needed

      November 24, 2011 at 6:53 pm

  6. dgreaves

    Im diggin this so much June Imma have to cut my chll time weekend snd cogitate. One!

    November 24, 2011 at 4:35 am

    • Lol! yea D’ee this is the place where the cogigation, even when its an irritation; this congregation iz straight motivation. Watch the vid, check the Prose David spit on top of the list, and let loose brah!! Thanx!

      November 24, 2011 at 5:08 am

  7. Losing It

    Through the looking glass
    I saw
    Blood curdling images
    Blood and guts sucked through
    A straw
    Zombie like creatures
    Shuffled about
    Sucking life from a vacuum
    Blood and guts around
    The mouth

    Creature’s skin was all flaky
    Like sand dunes on a beach
    Emasculated zombie men
    Out to flashing screens would reach

    Brick walled fortress with
    One small window of light
    Body bits in a cookie jar
    Made me scream out in fright

    Relief from these terrors
    My mind tried to flee
    Losing it no option
    This life belonged to me

    With a loud ringing noise
    At last I awoke
    Telephone was going crazy
    With tears my throat was choked
    The same recurring nightmare
    Had plagued me yet again
    I sighed and offered up a prayer
    For not losing it Amen

    Frankie

    November 24, 2011 at 6:29 am

    • Now thats what I’m talking about!!!! You used the video to create your personal masterpiece. Wonderfully done and executed. Very powerful Frankie.

      David

      November 24, 2011 at 6:34 am

      • Thank you David, it was a great excercise and it took me out of my comfort zone, forcing me to write about something I would never have thought to write about, Thanks for giving me that chance. The LAB has always been an inspiration and I hope more from the FB Assassins page will discover the great site this one is.

        November 24, 2011 at 7:02 am

  8. allen simmons

    My brother, this kind of hits a dark and sad spot with me. I had an uncle, who commited suicide last year, by slashing his wrists and tying barbed wire around his neck and hanging himself.

    November 24, 2011 at 11:07 am

    • Sorry to hear that Allen. Did you see the video? It really doesnt depict suicide, but actually, the opposite. Either way, again, sorry bout your uncle, but it is nice to see you here. God bless and have a happy thanksgiving.

      David

      November 24, 2011 at 1:17 pm

      • Nicholas Malone

        Great poem David, the imagery is immense and the video is dark and gloomy. But it is a very interesting video. I will definitely write something to it and posted something in a little while.

        November 24, 2011 at 5:13 pm

      • Thanks, I appreciate the support. I can’t wait to see what you do with it.

        David

        November 24, 2011 at 6:41 pm

  9. Nicholas Malone

    As I awaken from my slumber
    I rise from this table
    Damaged beyond repairs
    Was written on my label
    I stumbled over to the t.v.
    And fell in the chair
    I was scared by the blurs
    And I recited a prayer
    After my prayer
    I couldn’t believe the images
    I’d seen
    So I slowly crawled over to the breathing machine
    I needed air, my chest clogged
    And I could barely speak
    My stomach growling and I’m hungry
    I need something to eat
    I grab a handful of nails
    And I swallowed them whole
    The taste wasn’t great
    And the metal was cold
    The nails ruptured my rib cage
    And punctured my heart
    The leftover pieces
    I concealed in this jar
    The phone rang and I answered it
    I said hello
    A voice said
    That I’m condemned
    In the dungeon below
    I ripped the plug, out the wall
    I slammed the phone on the ground
    My brain was bulging, skull crackling
    You can hear the loud sounds
    I saw the flashing lights
    That were piercing from the wall
    Frozen in animation
    I seen a hand with sharp claws
    The door opened
    And I was in a room, with a lady
    She said, I’m a psychopath
    And I’m mentally crazy
    She carried me to the tub
    And pushed me in
    The scares and bruises
    Destroyed my skin
    I got up from the tub
    And ran down the halls
    Electricity was pulsating
    From the center of the walls
    At the edge of the hall
    I saw a door at the end
    Beside the door, there was a sink
    On the floor, there was a pen
    It was a note in the mirror
    And it said, “Please Read”
    My soul is forever tainted
    The righteousness I deceived
    I exhale dust and I inhale doom
    The eternity of my torture
    That resides in this room
    The shining white light
    Is the only key
    But I’m eclipsed by the blight
    So here I must be…..

    November 24, 2011 at 9:07 pm

    • WOW! Nicholas, you put everything in that video into this wonderful write. An amazing job. Love it!

      November 25, 2011 at 12:30 am

      • Nicholas Malone

        Thank u very much frankie for the compliment. The video was very interesting and writing to it was definitely a new challenge and it was very exciting.

        November 25, 2011 at 1:38 am

    • A Definate Descriptive narrative… Loved the read & here we must B! TREMENDOUS depiction! ~4-3

      November 26, 2011 at 8:47 pm

    • Very nicely written. Diggin the imagery.

      David

      November 26, 2011 at 10:22 pm

      • Nicholas Malone

        Thank u very much David and June for the compliments. I greatly appreciate it.

        November 27, 2011 at 12:54 am

  10. The dirt and filth have covered the world and has begun to kill the very existance of human life. The streets have turned black and grey with the dust and grime from decaying buildings. A glance in the mirror shows that the dust and dirt have began to cover my own body. I cant see and i cant remember the colors once were. I have become tired and bored of the dark and dusty loneliness. I began to shake off layer after layer of filth till all that is left is my muscle. Living in a dust covered reality is whats in my mirror. dirt and decaying life is all that I see in my future. Lost lonely and scared with what is in store. Slowly reality is fading into the dust and I feel like im loosing my mind. Images of past friends and family begin to flash infront of me. They all seem lost and dont realize what has happened. Light no longer exist. Only my dark and dirty film covered world.

    November 27, 2011 at 4:05 am

    • Very dark and well written. I dig your interpretation of the video. Thanks for rocking it Sarah.

      David

      November 27, 2011 at 7:12 am

  11. carlene

    June, I open this up and….
    This is so overwhelming to me. Not sure I’m ready to open,
    all those cases taken up spaces crowding the places,
    In my mind, I want so desperatly to define!
    WOW!!!

    November 28, 2011 at 6:16 am

  12. Big Skillet

    overshadowed in the ugly grey area
    shuffle my deck of awakening hysteria
    the mirror shattered making more than
    just one thief, just one liar
    trapped in the undertow
    frozen from the venom I perspire
    trapped in the undertow
    thoughts hold nothing to inspire
    overshadowed in the ugly grey area
    alone in the breath of night
    a solid statue of life dismal and cracked
    in half
    shuffle my deck of awakening hysteria
    listening to the cards as they laugh…..

    December 2, 2011 at 12:55 am

    • Nicely written Skillet. I dig the ending.

      David

      December 3, 2011 at 3:28 am

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